I'll Be There

Posted on Wed Jul 18th, 2018 @ 12:51pm by Lieutenant JG Jaya Maera Garlake & Warrant Officer Laena ben-Avram

2,255 words; about a 11 minute read

Mission: S1E1: Bynars Be Bygones
Location: USS Swiftsure
Timeline: MD 9

It had come as a surprise when the sudden transfer orders came through. When Jaya found she was not the only one leaving the Gamma Quadrant behind, that was a double surprise. The imminent arrival of the Swiftsure at the mouth of the Bajoran wormhole to ferry them away made it a trifecta. Luckily for her, Jaya was partially familiar with her traveling companion, which she had hoped would make for a smoother transition into the unknown.

Jaya set her carry bags onto the bed in the guest suite. The small ship didn't boast luxurious furnishings for anyone, it seemed. That was just as well. Storr had taken a large portion of their shared belongings on his transfer--a location which he still had not shared with her--and it was all the same to her if she didn't have to lug everything around herself. This marriage thing did have its perks.

Feeling a tad lonely and perhaps a little eager at seeing her husband, Jaya left her things on the bed and returned to the shared space between suites in search of her newfound companion.

She found the green-skinned woman, Laena, laying on the couch in the shared space, her fingers gently running through her raven black hair as her eyes were glued to the PADD in front of her.

"Whatcha' reading?" Jaya asked with her voice high and light. The other woman was visibly melancholy, which prompted Jaya to match it with a bright disposition.

Laena looked up, laying the PADD down on the table. "The last message Akiva sent me before he went radio silent," she said, sitting up on the couch and pushing her hair back. She scooted over, giving room for the other woman to join her. "It wasn't much, just thank you for the information I had found for him and that he'd see me soon." Without realizing it, Laena's hands went to her stomach.

A faint pulse modulated within the emotional emissions of Laena's psyche. It almost felt like... a second presence. Nascent. Primal. But once Jaya felt it, she could not unfeel it. Laena was pregnant!

"Did he ever say what he was doing?" Jaya walked around the arm of the couch to sit in the space provided. "All I heard was that he took an indefinite leave of absence. And now we're both transferred away." She sat down and set her empathy upon Laena to assess her responses while subliminally prompting her to open up.

The Orion woman just shook her head, "He said there was an issue with Biynah and Bynaus. That's all I got out of him. He's just..." the woman sighed, resting her chin on her knees as she pulled her legs into the chair.

"Commander ben-Avram has always had a singular focus," Jaya said. She reached out her hand in solidarity. "But I've never known him to be forgetful." Her mind went back to a rather animated pep-talk during a mutiny crisis which had left Akiva in temporary command of the Vindex. "Though it can be difficult getting him to see from any other perspective than his own."

"It sounds funny to say, but it's difficult getting him to realize that not everyone is like him." As she said it, the woman immediately regretted it. Even though she stood behind her words, it was still hard to say.

Jaya canted her head to one side, probing the nuances of Laena's words. Or, rather, the veiled intent behind them. "Oh, I think he's rather self-aware of how he differs from most people. From my understanding, alienation is a bedrock of his native culture. It's almost as if they thrive on it." The regret in Laena's face show conflict. Jaya sifted through the woman's mixed feelings in attempts to isolate the root. "When one remains alone for so long, they often come to identify with it. Even take pride in being alone." She paused for just a moment, then dropped the hammer in a soft but certain tone. "And that pride can see true love as a threat, as something to be feared and resisted." Sliding her hand closer to Laena, she quietly asked, "Would you know anything about that, Laena?"

"I have no issues with love," Laena said, though she knew it was a lie. "I just wish Akiva could learn how to make decisions with me, rather than for me." Laena looked up at the Deltan. "Like this transfer. I can almost guarantee Akiva is behind it. And yet he hasn't told me anything."

The subtle deception made Jaya smile. Most people were not prepared to be honest with themselves, so there was little use in resenting them for lying to others. "Sometimes we do not have the luxury of doing what we want. Imagine, for instance, if Akiva were unconscious on the verge of death and only a life-saving surgery could save him. Would you wait until he was conscious to ask his permission, or would you act on your love for him with the best knowledge available to you?" Jaya yielded her empathic probe, attenuating it to draw Laena out in response. "Love tears down walls, Laena. Do you truly find yourself surrounded by new walls of Akiva's making, or is it that Akiva has broken through the walls you've built around you?"

"I was transferred away from the Vindex, a posting that I worked very hard for, against my will. It's been almost an entire day since I got the news of the transfer and he hasn't even called to talk about it." Laena shook her head, "No, this isn't right. I didn't go into this relationship to give up my ability to make decisions about my own life. And this is hardly the only example, just the most recent."

Jaya saw the opportunity, and she took it. "Like the baby?"

"I..." Laena took a breath. She was not expecting a question like that. And as the tears started to well up in the corners of her eyes, she slowly nodded.

There they went. The walls weren't down completely, but there was more than enough room for Jaya to move in and give comfort. "Oh, Laena." Now was not a time for words. Jaya took Laena in her arms and cradled her head into her shoulder. "You're not alone."

And it was at this point that all of Laena's strength crumbled. The walls she put up to protect herself and the strength she had built up within her feel to the wayside as she began to sob in Jaya's shoulder.

The two women stayed like that for over 15 minutes as tears stained the Deltan's clothing.

Finally, after there were no tears left, Laena slowly let go, allowing her arms to fall to her side. "I'm so scared, Jaya. I'm scared of this baby, I'm scared of this transfer and all the change..." Laena looked up into the woman's eyes. "I'm scared of him."

Jaya looked deeply into Laena's eyes and smiled. "So am I. But we don't have to let fear cripple us. It can invigorate us with the power and strength to succeed, so long as we keep our wits about us." She gave Laena's arm a reassuring squeeze. "Along with the ones we love."

Laena gave a weak smile, though it was obviously hard to do. "But how do I stand up against a man who actually feels he's completely in the right? How do I make him see what he does to me? He's honestly one of the most self-centered people I've ever met."

"Really?" Jaya arched an amused and skeptical eyebrow at the remark. "For argument's sake, let's assume that you fell in love with a selfish man. Love is not a battlefield. If Akiva is your adversary, then what you feel for him isn't love; not really. But... if you do love him, then he is not your adversary; this aversion of yours is." She pursed her lips together. "Seems like you have some thinking to do."

"I don't think you understand," Laena said. "I've tried talking to him, I've tried to make him understand. And yet, here I am traveling to who-knows-where, because of a decision he's made without me."

Jaya nodded sympathetically. "I do, Laena. More than you know." She leaned back a bit to give Laena some space. "Let me ask you this: what if he was not responsible for your transfer? Would you begrudge Starfleet as you do him? Would your resentment hold out for an adjutant officer somewhere who made a decision for you?"

"Not at all," Laena said. "When I joined Starfleet, I signed quite a few documents, and I signed over my right to autonomy to Starfleet. I gave them that right." She looked at Jaya square in the eye, "I never gave Akiva such power over me. And yet he takes it when he pleases without regard to how I think or feel."

~Full circle~ Jaya thought. She decided to take a page from her own book.

"I won't lie to you, Laena. Human marriage is weird, at least to me." She glanced out the view port with a faraway look in her eyes. "Monogamy would not compute on my world. We are all one there -- wholly together. Any Deltan who fails to intimately connect with society is surrounded by friends and strangers alike who all shout their love and support until finally everyone comes together as one. There is no dominance or power struggles or social roles. We just... bond. And thrive. Many parts of one whole world which has never known war."

She blinked away her reverie of times past. "When I joined Starfleet, I took an oath of celibacy along with my oath of service. In order to be with Storr, we had to swear celibacy to each other. As odd as it sounds, the Deltan Foreign Ministry did not have me arrested for seeking marriage by including Storr into my oath -- his argument that we were to become 'as one flesh' was very convincing."

The mention of Storr's name made her bite back a joyful giggle. Excitement fluttered within her at their imminent reunion. For Laena's sake, she suppressed it and continued to her point. "In order to invoke the Earth rite of marriage, I had to give up some things. We could never live on Delta IV, for example. I am never again free to connect with others in the most natural way of my people. But you know what?" Jaya beamed from ear to ear with incandescent joy. "Storr is worth it. The price to be with him was higher than even he can know, but I would pay it again and again, for all I have done is trade one set of freedoms and restrictions for another."

Looking down to Laena's womb, Jaya hesitated. "I don't mean to tell you how to live your life. But if marriage represents a prison for you, then it may not be for you."

Laena sat there for a moment as Jaya's words sunk in. "To me, marriage doesn't represent a prison." She took a deep breath as she laid her head against the back of the couch. "Marriage is a partnership of equals who love each other and want to commit to one another. But this..." her words trailed off. She didn't want to say what she felt in her heart. "I love Akiva, I do. And I know he loves me too. But this is not a healthy relationship." Her hands slowly moved to her stomach once more. "And I have more than just me to think about, now."

Nodding slowly, Jaya's heart ached with Laena's own suffering. "Commitment is impossible without trust. And trust can be eroded or undermined by a number of causes. Neither of you can find lasting happiness together until that can be dealt with."

At this point, Jaya would typically advise a person to stay in their own quarters, but Laena's situation was unique and concerning for a variety of reasons. "What if I spoke to Storr when we arrive, and see about giving you a room with us? That way you won't need to be alone."

Laena shook her head, "No, that would be such an imposition. And you two haven't seen each other in so long, I would be in the way."

"I insist," Jaya said. "We insist. You need a support system right now, and we can provide that." Jaya paused just long enough to add the desired effect. "I could also use a friend as we delve into the unknown."

Reaching out, Laena took Jaya's hand in both of hers, holding it like a delicate flower. "Thank you," she simply said, looking down at their hands.

"Then it's settled!" Jaya smiled, broad and bright. She let her touch-empathy assuage Laena's fear and doubt. Right now, they both needed clear focus in order to face whatever lay ahead. "Oh. And if you would like me to break the news to Akiva, then I will."

Another shake of the Orion woman's head. "No. We may have issues, and we may never overcome them, but I do love him. And I owe him the respect of having this conversation with him." She sighed, "No, when we get to wherever we're going, I will face him like the strong woman I am."

Jaya could respect that. "Whatever you decide, we'll be here for you."

"Thank you."

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