Going Under

Posted on Tue Jul 24th, 2018 @ 5:32pm by Captain Akiva ben-Avram & Warrant Officer Laena ben-Avram

1,724 words; about a 9 minute read

Mission: S1E1: Bynars Be Bygones
Location: Memory Theta
Timeline: MD 13

This was the day. Akiva had cleared his schedule and prepared himself for a reunion that was long past due. The last two weeks had been the longest of his life, and in more ways than one. Everything had changed, mostly for the worse, but the one sure thing he could count on was his blushing bride at his side. Akiva freshly showered, shaved, and put on a crisp uniform. He even stopped by the arboretum to pick some flowers grown by the babbling brook.

By the time the Pegasus flew into the shuttlebay, Akiva was bouncing on his heels, unable to contain his excitement. The flower bouquet in his hand were nearly crushed in his grip. His heart skipped a beat when the airlock disengaged and revealed three of his favorite people.

---

Laena stepped out of the shuttle, following silently behind the large Marine and his wife. She looked down, watching her step as she walked through the airlock. Had anyone asked, she would say that she was worried about tripping, so she was watching vigilantly. But the truth was, she had a feeling Akiva would be there, and she wasn't quite ready to look him in the face just yet. As her feet met the cool ground she took a deep breath, turning her face cold and unfeeling, and looked up.

As their eyes met, Laena caught her breath. Despite her feelings and the issues between them, she did truly love this man. That's what made this so hard.

They both stood there, silently gazing at each other, but neither making a move.

Finally, the Orion woman took a step forward. "Hello," she said, willing her voice to stay steady.

Akiva felt his smile waver at Laena's less than enthused greeting. They both were a timorous sort at times, so he took the initiative. "I, uh, brought you these." Akiva offered the bouquet. "Picked fresh from the station's arboretum."

"They're beautiful," Laena said, eyeing the flowers but making no move to take them. When Akiva took a step forward, holding them out, Laena took a step back. "I'm sorry, Akiva, but I'm allergic to most flowers." Her voice dropped a bit, along with her head, "I thought you knew that..."

"Oh..." Akiva gasped in horror and stuffed the bouquet behind his back. "I... suppose it never came up. At any rate, it's good to see you, Laena. Great, even. We have a lot to talk about." Her reticence felt like ice to his veins. Whereas a moment ago he was bubbling over with excitement and anticipation, Akiva now felt like he had just been ejected into space. He cleared his throat, letting his eyes wander as he did so. Focusing back to Laena, he said, "I owe you an explanation. A big one."

Laena just stood there for a moment, somewhat shocked and dumbfounded. "An explanation?" she asked, her forehead scrunched. She looked away for a moment, feeling the anger boiling up within her. "No, Akiva, you don't owe me any explanation." She turned her head to look at him again, "You shouldn't need to explain it to me. You should have talked to me first. How dare you? How dare you make major decisions about my life and our lives without having the courtesy to talk to me first."

"Laena you have to understand," he said, "There wasn't tim-"

"No," she said, cutting him off. "The time for you to talk is over. It's my turn." She walked passed the man but turned to face him. "You know, I didn't ask for much. I asked you to be honest with me. I asked you to be understanding of my issues. I asked you to care for me. I asked you to never hurt me. I asked you to be considerate of me. And you know, you haven't done any of those things." Tears welled up in the corners of her eyes, but they were not sad tears. No, these droplets of passion stung with the bitter pang of anger and betrayal. She threw the jacket in her hand at the man, who caught it effortlessly but made no other attempts to move.

"I'm just so angry at you!" she screamed, with no consideration of who could hear them. "I'm just so...so fucking angry! I am not your possession, Akiva! I am not your toy to just throw around as you see fit. And I'm certainly not the kind of girl who allows her life to take a fucking back seat to whatever you think is best." One hand was gently wrapped around her stomach without realizing it. "You just do whatever you want and assume that I'm going to go along with it like a woman is supposed to do, but this is not your colony, Akiva. Our lives are not bound by the rules of your ancestors. And if that's what you're expecting me to do, then we can end this right now, because I won't do it. I just won't!"

Akiva felt his mouth move, but words refused to form. What could he say? All he could manage was a pleading, helpless bob of his head.

The two stood there for a second as her last statement hung in the air. The words she hadn't quite ever said but had been there for almost a month now. "No, you don't owe me anything anymore, Akiva," she said. While it wasn't exactly what she was expecting, she had to admit, it felt right to say them. "You don't owe me anything because I am no longer yours." Her voice was quiet but had lost none of the strength and passion she had just been using to yell at him.

The flowers dropped from Akiva's hand onto the floor by his feet. An eternal snapshot of that brief moment of a living hell seared itself into his mind, likely to be embedded for future replay. Akiva felt beside himself. There were intense feelings of censure, betrayal, anger, rejection, despondency -- he just couldn't feel any of them. It was as if he had stepped outside the situation and began watching it happen to someone else. In that view, he saw a pathetic, foolish man cast out by a woman he had failed in every way.

What's worse is that Akiva screamed internally at that man. Say something! Say anything!

Instead, Akiva saw that man stand stock-still at the beautiful woman who had drowned him with paralyzing scorn.

As the two stood there, Laena could feel her heart breaking. As if the pain of his actions weren't enough, the fact that he wasn't fighting for her, or even trying, made it ten times worse. Despite all that had happened and the hundreds of ways he screwed up, what she told Jaya a few days earlier was still true. She loved the man that stood before him, and if she were honest, she would have probably broken her resolve had he made an effort in this moment. But alas, nothing happened. It was definitely over.

She took a deep breath, looking down at her jacket in his hand. Taking a step towards him, she reached out and pulled the piece of clothing to herself. "I'm going to stay with Storr and Jaya in their guest room," she said, softly, unsure as to what Akiva was thinking at this moment. "Please have my thing delivered there instead of your quarters."

The words barely registered for Akiva at that point. The jostling of the jacket taken from his hands pulled him back from the brink of catatonia. Tears unshed began to dry into a glossy glaze over his eyes. "As you wish," he heard the man say.

Laena looked at the man with utter disappointment. She hoped and prayed that he would say something, anything worth staying. At this point, she would have probably stayed even if he only asked her to. But she obviously didn't mean enough to him. In silence, she turned and walked away.

The echoes of Laena's footsteps dulled Akiva's hearing to anything else. When they faded at last, they took with him any vestiges of hope. The woman he loved had shattered his heart, and his future along with it. Two weeks ago, Akiva had a wife, daughter, and baby on the way. Now he had nothing, stranded in the wastelands of the Alpha Quadrant far from home.

Home.

Akiva would never know it. What was the point in waiting? He had nothing to live for. Not anymore. Crystal clear focus formed within his mind, driving away the fog of despondency with a singular purpose. He wanted to die.

The turbolift was in front of him before he knew it. He was in and out before he knew it. The path to his new office -- his stupid, foolish, accursed, goddamned office -- drew him in quick time as if he were on rails. The doors parted before him, his desk eclipsing the otherwise dominant window of the planetoid below. Tartarus. Hinnom. The grave. Good enough.

In the upper drawer, Akiva retrieved a phaser. His fingers set it to kill with all the dexterity of a seasoned Operations officer. The snap of his wrist as he held it to his temple surprised him, but not enough to halt his finger.

Admiral Nyel had asked him not to die. Another broken promise. Another failure. "I'm sorry..."

"Priority one transmission from Bynaus on secure channel."

Akiva blinked.

"Play transmission," he said to the automated communicator.

Akiva set his phaser down on the desk and settled in to listen. The comms console chirped its compliance before connecting him with a dead channel.

"Hello?" Akiva said. There was no visual, and only the faintest of static.

Silence.

Akiva sighed and bit back his tears. Whatever piece of himself that wished to endure had latched onto the transmission -- perhaps a sign that hope remained. And, now, nothing. He looked upon his phaser again, seeking out the nerve to just do it.

The console bleeped again. When Akiva reached to turn it off, he reached for a curse word. But it was cut off. There was no visual image. No graphical display. Just a tinny, familiar voice.

"Hello, abba."

 

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