The Hunter And The Hunted
Posted on Mon Oct 17th, 2022 @ 2:20pm by Lieutenant JG Jaya Maera Garlake & Commander Arianna Frost
Mission:
S1E5: Symphony of Horror
Location: Arianna Frost's Quarters
Timeline: MD 6
When did her life become such unbridled chaos? Arianna had wondered that many a time in the past couple of days since she'd returned to Overwatch Station. A simple act of helping people who needed it, a simple kiss later...and everything turned to chaos. Then the semi-resolution with Akiva, and the tantalizing and extremely jarring conversation with Qurban.
Qurban - another puzzle whose secrets she decided to keep. Why? She wasn't quite sure. Part of her loved the blatant honesty the other loved the questions it brought yet at the same time she feared the truths she never expected. Someone of such intellect yet at the same time being so much higher on the scale, almost as if some sort of a divine entity. How could she not find herself intrigued?
Akiva - with everything she'd already been struggling to figure out, Qurban's warning did not help in the slightest. However, she also knew that she needed to unwrap what was said and separate fact from flare. Because there was quite some flare there to emphasize the importance of the warning.
It was time to go back to her quarters, relax, have a drink and sleep on everything. Tomorrow was a new day, and she would be better prepared.
Unzipping her jacket she stepped into her quarters and stopped short.
"Oh shit!"
"'Oh shit,' indeed." Jaya sat in a chair she had pulled to the center of the room and sipped from a steaming cup of tea--Seyalian by scent--which she then lowered to rest in her palm atop her crossed legs--all in all, a position of supple leisure. "You've done well dodging me, but time's up." Her eyebrows waggled. "Now dish."
Arianna stared at her friend in resignation. "Yeah nah, I'm not having this conversation sober." She said and raised a finger, a sign for Jaya to hold off for a moment.
She went into her bedroom, buying time to compose herself and to make herself more comfortable. Quickly eschewing her jacket and shoes, she reached into her wardrobe and pulled out a duffel bag. Out of said bag she pulled out a bottle of the Dubliner Whiskey, with honeycomb.
She returned to the living room and grabbed shot glass from the side cupboard and dragged the other chair towards Jaya's. Unscrewing the bottle, she poured herself a shot, then downed it in one go, before pouring herself another one.
"Alright..." she said finally as she felt the sweet and burning liquid pour down her throat. "What do you know?"
Jaya fluttered her eyelashes in mock offense. "We could do this chapter and verse where I pull the truth out of you like a cranky Cardassian interrogator with an ingrown hair, or I could let you get a few fingers deep into that bottle before coaxing the whole truth in a deeply cathartic release." Her mouth curved in a smirk that she partly veiled by her teacup. "So far I like option two." Slurrrp.
Arianna had to laugh though at the image of the cranky Cardassian interrogator with ingrown hair. She downed another shot. Ari poured another one before speaking. "I didn't know she was there, Jaya. If I had I wouldn't have let it happen." A slow sip, "instead I thought...what's the harm?"
Another sip as Ari leaned back in her chair, tucking her legs under her in a cross pose. "After you guys left, we spoke for a few minutes, I gave him a hug as I was about to go, he stood there like a frazzled possum, I pulled back, was about to walk away when he told me to wait, pulled me back, gave me a hug and then...."
She finished the shot and poured another, feeling the internal constraints and latches starting to release, "and then we kissed. Who started it? Not quite sure, probably both of us. I pulled back first, and soon after walked away. And then it all went tits up afterwards." Ari finished, looking over at Jaya.
"That's pretty much what I gathered," Jaya said at length. She set her empty teacup aside--evidently she had been waiting awhile--and folded her knees up into her chest. The solemn display to get the upper hand in the situation was no longer necessary, so now she was the familiar and friendly confidante. "So how was it?" the Deltan asked with a conspiratorial grin. "I'll spare you the dirty details of what was simmering in Akiva's subconscious mind when he looked at you and fainted, but I will say his imagination has grown leaps and bounds since the days he could barely keep eye contact with me during our initial sessions."
As tempting as that was to know, she couldn't and wouldn't go there. Arianna rolled her eyes at Jaya's taunt, "yeah, please don't share that." She broke out in a chuckle, remembering the scene, before she refocused on the original question.
"It felt like..." another shot down and another poured, "...home. The hug, I mean. The kiss...woke things up. Things I haven't let myself have for a long time." She said quietly, looking down at her glass, "things I can't have."
"Mmmhmm..." Jaya's smirk only broadened as she canted her head to the side. "Being at least somewhat familiar with psychological profiling, I'm sure you know what I'm going to say next." While her tone was jovial, there was still a sobriety to Jaya's teasing that could not be completely obscured by her cavalier demeanor. "But here it is anyway: your struggle is not with Akiva." She looked at her empty teacup and frowned. "Care to share?" she asked, nodding at the bottle of Dubliner. "Your instinct to steer clear of Akiva is not just a sense of propriety, but also self-preservation. Your battle with yourself will destroy you both at this juncture, just as it did between Akiva and Laena and led to their split."
Arianna reached over and poured some of the liquor into Jaya's cup. "You sure you should be drinking this...considering...." she gestured with the hand that held the empty shot glass.
"Deltans have a high metabolism," Jaya said. "The amount needed to intoxicate me would be fatal for you. But if it would make you uncomfortable, then I'll settle for you telling me how you're going to find happiness."
"Just making sure," Ari conceded. "If you're good to drink, we drink."
As she poured herself another, Arianna leaned back again, "how do I do that, Jaya? I'm caught between a rock and a hard place just by being here. How do I not be a home wrecker? Jaya I've done things like these as a job, it sucks when I'm not connected to it, it really sucks when I am part of it." She said, downing another shot and grimacing away the burn and the slight dizzy spell it induced.
"I know he's not immune to me, and I'm not immune to him." Ari pushed forward, alternating looking between Jaya and the shot glass. "But I can't pull the strings here. He has to be the one to decide what he wants. And he is trying. We talked earlier," another shot poured, "and I know what happened with Laena..." at this point she looked up at Jaya with a knowing look.
Jaya shook her head as her smile turned wan. "Human societies often honor chastity because your species is easily damaged through sexual means. Laena may draw from her Orion heritage to mute the effects but even she feels the pain. What happened between those two on DS9 may have hurt their relationship as well as heal it. Only time will tell." She peered at her friend as though searching a fog. "You cannot use them as an excuse to leave your own soul untended. Just because you choose to explore and unpack these feelings does not mean you must act on them. Ignoring them won't make them go away either. That will just forfeit any hope of managing them."
Arianna looked down at her glass, "there's more, Jaya." She said thickly, "there is things I know...I suspect that will...would...may...profoundly impact Akiva in ways I can't predict." Then she looked up at her Deltan friend, her eyes hard. "I need help determining what to do, but what I am about to tell you impacts more than just Akiva. This needs to be kept absolutely confidential. This could end up costing lives."
The entire counseling profession was predicated on keeping confidential information close to the chest. Jaya nodded. "Go on."
Arianna poured herself another shot, downed it, then poured another and downed that one. "I have reason to believe Omri ben-Avram is still alive."
"You do?" The question was a rhetorical one. Jaya could sense Ari's certainty without truly needing confirmation for it. However, her quirked brow made a stronger demand for more information that her vocal tone and inflection did. "I agree that would gravely impact Akiva, but why do you believe the lives of others might hang in the balance?"
Another shot downed, another poured. "I work with him. We worked together before in '85/'86, then when I got recalled after Theta's mission to Venus we started working together again. I didn't catch on until..."
Memories of the disastrous Operation Donnager sprang up, the deaths of Aeneas and Gol, the betrayal of Tarani...
Ari could feel her eyes stinging as guilt welled up within her again. "A field assignment we were on went horribly wrong, two of my guys got killed by the third member of our team...a traitor. I was the only one left and called for backup in hopes I could still catch our target and the man I think might be Omri, my boss, my team leader was meant to be my backup. Fast forward to the target being acquired...when Omri arrived..."
Frost sighed, both embarrassed at how stupid this would sound and sad at how the whole event played out. "...I looked up at him and saw Akiva. This tripped me up something shocking. As time went on, I started noticing more, facial structure, expressions, accent, mannerisms all very very similar, a familial connection of some sort for sure."
Ari took another sip then and took an deep breath, "he only goes by his callsign, I don't know his name. I know everyone else's on the team, including their callsigns, but him...only ever his callsign. Which means he wants to stay hidden. Yet, he takes every chance he gets to remind me not to get too involved with my 'boyfriend' - Akiva. Whenever its anything that involves him I get told off."
"I see." Jaya folded her arms and gave her lip a bite. "Akiva is an important figure now. A designated VIP. Do you have any reason to think this boss of yours is related to Akiva? It would make for an almost impenetrable reason to avoid Akiva and bypass your entire emotional conundrum." Her brow continued to quirk with inductive suspicion. "Finding out this dark shadow over your head belongs to the dead brother of your forbidden love is as convenient as it is improbable, don't you think?"
Arianna pinched the bridge of her nose and sighed, "other than what I just described? I'm looking for it. I wouldn't speak of this to him unless I had something tangible to go on. Right now it's just suspicion which is irksome, because the brother is so starkly different to Akiva, yet I trust him too with my life. My issue is...and this is where lives come into play...if I dig for a DNA print, or dig through his file...I will invariably trip alarms. Omri is...empty, when you look into his eyes...you can't see a soul...or anything else and he is capable of taking lives to cover his tracks. And even if I do find undeniable proof...do I sit on it? Do I tell him? And how the fuck does one even bring something like this up?" Words and doubts escaped her, and she cringed at herself.
"I don't doubt your ability to see through the surface and identify hidden truths," Jaya began to say graciously, "but why Akiva? Why not see the face of Storr or Trenton or Ryland or any other man on this station in this other person?" She scoffed and chuckled all at once. "Setting aside the fact that Starfleet Intelligence seems to employ more sociopaths than I'd have predicted, you are borrowing trouble that may not even be there. And for what? To trade one difficult proposition for another that feels more familiar." Sympathy overtook Jaya's face. "I can't speak to your colleague or his identity, but... Ari... I can speak to classic avoidance, repression, and sublimation. I'm looking at it."
Ari gave her a bitter smile, "I know how crazy all of this sounds, and you are avoiding a clear question from me too. So you will answer mine, after I answer yours. Deal?" She said and took a small sip. The buzz was there, but the vertigo was close by. They needed food. "We need something greasy. Cheesy, meaty. What will you have? I promise I won't avoid the question, I'm just in need of a soaker for all the booze I just pured down my gullet."
"Would you believe I eat five helpings of something called bangers and mash every day?" Jaya nearly blushed at the confession. "I wouldn't turn any down right now."
"Bloody oath, mate!" Ari grinned, "computer, bangers and mash, two helpings." The aussie ordered.
As the plates materialized, she took them over to the coffee table, and settled on the couch. "Okay..." Frost said with a resigned sigh. "Why Akiva? Because of his ethnic background. Middle Eastern, slight accent, similar build, although Omri is smaller and shorter. Storr is too blonde, too big, too white. Trenton....too blonde, too white, too tall, too marine. Cal - similar height, the rest of the features are off. Rodi has the same issue, accent to boot. Quiao, wrong type of tan, plus implants and eyes are off, Ryland matches hair...do you really want me to go into detail about every man here and how they do not match?" Ari cut off a chunk of the gravy-covered sausage, "oh...so good. Even replicated, mmmph!"
Then she took a bit of the mash and spoke again. "As to why Akiva? Because he feels like a kindred spirit, because aside from the fact that he's a big nerd, he's also kind and brilliant and smart. Because he knows what it's like to live your life when your brain is a classified file."
Jaya did her absolute best to listen while she ate, but it was difficult when her body demanded she devour the plate in front of her. "It's a shame it took me getting pregnant to ever try this tasty dish," Jaya said after her third mouthful. "Deltans are usually what you'd call vegetarian."
After she wiped the grease off her mouth, Jaya prepared to speak her thought. "Now, you've given a very detailed physical profile of several men, but you left out the most crucial detail of all: only one of those men makes you feel like a woman." Jaya grinned shamelessly. "I'd forgive you if you found Storr attractive, so I certainly do not hold your attraction to Akiva against you. But if you did find yourself desiring Storr, I wonder which monster in your line of work you would begin subconsciously associating with him in order to create emotional distance."
The food practically screamed at her, so Jaya speared another bite and talked around her chewing. "I am not encouraging you to pursue Akiva at this time. I'm encouraging you to pursue yourself. The way you're guarding your heart against your feelings with Akiva is causing you to distort your perception of reality, and I cannot encourage that. It is better to be burned by knowledge of the truth than to be lost in self-delusion. If you fear you cannot be with Akiva, then I will help you find the strength to make that choice and stand by it for genuine reasons, not because of a story spun deep inside the furnace of your mind that gives false context to the hard choice you wish to make."
Ari cut off another bit of sausage. "What ever is going to happen with Akiva will happen, it needs time to cook, as it were. He said he needs time, and I am happy to give it, to whatever resolution. I have other, non Akiva related things to deal with anyway." She said with more ease this time. Now that it was out in the open it felt easier to deal with. "Now, will you indulge a suspicious and paranoid mind for a moment? Just humor me, please?"
Jaya nodded vigorously while chewing.
"So lets say for the sake of conversation and theory crafting, that my distorted reality is true, and I find more tangible evidence without getting anyone in trouble." Ari took another bite of the mash and then looked over at Jaya with a serious look. "Do I sit on it? Or do I say something?"
After swallowing, Jaya flicked her tongue over her lips. "Let me answer your question with a question: what outcome do you expect by bringing your hypothetical evidence of Akiva's late brother's hypothetical existence to him? Do you think he would be angry and turn you away? Do you expect he will abandon reason and ride you into the ground like a pony? Do you expect some sort of deeper connection with him?" Her sassy brow quirked again. "Before you answer, consider that nobody has put you onto this investigation but you. Applying our skills and experience to matters of the heart is nothing new, but you need to go into this with both eyes open. Knowing your expectations is a step toward knowing what you really want." Her face turned serious despite the jovial look in her eyes. "What do you want to happen in either instance? And, remember, we're hypothesizing. Fantasize away."
Ari pondered the question for a moment, taking another bite before she replied. "It's not a matter of how he would react to me with that. I expect shock, disbelief, and needing time to deal with the fact. This is normal, this is how people deal with life-changing events. This is not my issue. My issue is deciding whether I can live with myself if I continued to sit on it, knowing how much Omri's death has affected him and his family, or whether I should say something to try and ease the pain. Both have merit and don't."
The blonde took a deep breath before continuing. "It's been so long, it's become an ingrained part of their existence that introducing the fact he's alive will just shock them further. It's as likely to cause good as it is to cause harm. But at the same time...if I say nothing and it comes out down the line and it comes out that I knew this whole time...saying I stayed silent for their own good while they had a right to know their brother and son was alive...you know? Whatever the relationship between myself and Akiva is at that point would only determine the level of pain and likely feeling of betrayal really."
Frost went over to the replicator and ordered each a glass of iced tea to wash down the meal with. "This is one of a long line of things that I know and he doesn't and he may never know because of what I do."
The image of Kazyah Linn came to mind.
"This is such a deep, personal wound and I don't know whether saying anything will heal it or make it worse," Ari said finally as she sat back and placed Jaya's glass next to her. "I don't want anything from this other than to not be hated for whatever the decision ends up being, but I'm not deluding myself that that won't happen. It may regardless. There are secrets we all hate keeping and this is one of them." She said with another sigh as she took a sip.
"But both you and the Colonel have asked me what I want from Akiva, you quite pointedly so." Another sigh, "nothing. I don't want anything and I don't need anything. If things go my way, great! If they don't, I'm a big girl, I will survive," she said with a grin.
"You know what that all boils down to, right?" Jaya slurped her fork clean and left it to sit on her empty plate. "Insecurity. All of us have different, personalized brands of it, but almost all of our inner conflicts amount to fears of 'what if' should we bring forth what's been kept hidden." She paused for emphasis, then went on. "If you trust Akiva, then you will do what you believe is right. If you don't trust yourself, then you will drown in an ocean of indecision. Find your courage, Ari, even if you don't know what to think, because courage is even more vital than knowledge when it comes to integrity. An honest person can be both honest and wrong because integrity is the one thing you can never lose or have taken from you. Integrity must be given away." She then slid her hand toward Ari's. She slid their fingers together and squeezed. The bioneural feedback was both physical and metaphysical in the Deltan way. Within Jaya was a greater measure of control over emotions and desires, and through tactile contact she extended it toward Ari's own nervous system. "Don't be afraid of what you might have to do. There are two sayings from back home: 'Truth that is welcome can never destroy,' and 'trust that proves true will never disappoint.'" Inclining her head, Jaya gently slid her hand free. Some things needed to be decided without external influence. "Being true to both Akiva and yourself now means you can count on remaining true when the time comes for hard choices..." She then added coyly with a touch of skepticism over Ari's theory, "... if they ever present themselves to begin with."
Arianna nodded, smiling at Jaya, "thanks, mate. I appreciate your words. It's good to be able to talk about things." She said as she reached out for her glass again, "I got benched, after I left DS9. Because I helped you guys. Because I endangered what I was originally pulled away from Theta for in the first place by participation." Her words and tone were bitter. "I've been working on this on and off since '85 and it's so classified that a mere mention of it trips alarms in the system. I nearly lost my vision in '85 because of this. I feel a bit lost and alone and cut off from what I sacrificed so much for. The upside is that I was benched here, but..." she looked over at Jaya, "...it's all...a lot. A complication here and a complication there and I feel in my gut I am missing the picture."
Then she reached for the liquor again and poured herself a shot. "Sorry...didn't mean to dump more crazy talk on you."
"Crazy talk is what I am trained for," Jaya teased. "But for what it's worth, if you got benched anywhere, I'm glad it's here."
Arianna grinned, "secretly, I am too." She said and reached over, grabbing Jaya's hand, letting the bald woman be flooded with the warmth and affection Frost felt for her. "Thanks for hunting me down, I needed it. Sometimes the hunter needs to be the hunted to keep her head above water."
Jaya returned her grin. "Not that I am exceptionally predatory. I mean, I am Deltan after all. But as I hear it told, all the best hunters sit and wait for their prey to come to them." She leaned back and patted the arms of her chair with smug satisfaction.
Ari couldn't help but laugh, her shoulders shaking as she did. "The Colonel is going to kill me when he finds out." Palm met face but the laughing continued. "He's a good man, the Colonel. A good friend and a hell of a mate to have in a fight."
"Yeah, he kind of already knows," said Jaya with phony sheepishness. "Everyone has been acting weird and he wanted to know my take on it. It was written all over your faces even if Akiva didn't pass out at the sight of you."
Ari rolled her eyes, "fuck me..." Then another laugh as she cut into the final bit of the sausage. "I've really stepped in it, haven't I?"
The Colonel would be have words with her then, sure. She couldn't begrudge him though. In a way she envied the situation, having someone to bat for you as these two did.
"Maybe, maybe not," Jaya said. "Storr is as chivalrous as they come. I don't envy Akiva, though. Storr is not afraid to speak freely with him."
"I know." Ari chuckled, "we had a drink on DS9 after we all met up. He still believes there is a chance of reconciliation between them and I got the quite literal pointed finger and 'you're in the way' of said reconciliation."
Jaya sighed and chuckled. "Don't let the tough guy act fool you. Storr as is romantic as they come. It's actually part of his religion, if you'd believe it. You'd think monogamy was about a dearth of romance, but..." She trailed off, realizing she was on the verge of TMI puking. "But the point is that Storr only means to do his job as a protector, and that includes you. If Akiva and Laena do not reconcile, I don't think anybody would ever blame you."
Frost nodded, "I'm sorry you have to be in the middle of this, Jaya. I know you and Laena are friends and have been friends for a while longer than you and I and I feel bad you are caught in this," she continued with a grimace, "triangle."
"Are you kidding?" Jaya asked. "The hardest part is pretending not to be excited. It's not every day I get to watch my friends and loved ones grow up into mature and wholesome people."
"Bloody hell, we're in highschool still!" Ari chuckled, "sounds like a bad romance novel this."
Jaya threw her head back and cackled. "Art imitates life," she said with a shrug. "All the universe is but a stage and we are actors."
"She reads Shakespeare, watch out folks!" Ari laughed. It felt genuine, it felt freeing. Freeing felt weird. A good kind of weird.
"Someone said he was the greatest bard of Earth," Jaya replied. "Seemed appropriate for the moment."
"Mhm...indeed." Ari raised her half drank shot to Jaya, "to the crazy mess that is Memory Theta. May we live to laugh about it some day."
Jaya took the first sip from the shot Ari had poured her. "Why wait? Let's start laughing now."
Frost laughed at that, "mm, best. Only way to cope with the shit we have to deal with." We instead of them, it felt weird, but good.
