No Matter How Dark The Night...
Posted on Mon Oct 17th, 2022 @ 10:17am by Captain Akiva ben-Avram & Master Warrant Officer Trenton Mayhew & Commander Arianna Frost
4,196 words; about a 21 minute read
Mission:
S1E5: Symphony of Horror
Location: Overwatch
Timeline: MD 5
Before Phantom's arrival...
"Fuck...my...life!" The thought was a constant companion of Arianna's in the last few hours as the transport approached Overwatch. The subsequent processes seemed long as an age, before she was cleared to transport over. Frost swallowed a frog as she felt the transport take hold and whisk her away into Purgatory.
As the particles reformed and conscious thought returned Arianna blinked the usual fuzz in the head and eyes away, focusing her vision on the person who had come to greet her.
"Commander Frost."
The terse statement of her name and rank was the only greeting Ari received from the master-at-arms and currently acting commandant in the absence of every other commanding officer. Mayhew stood stiffly before despite his at-ease position. His tone was somewhat canned and tinny due to the vocalizer implant embedded into what remained of his trachea.
The sight of the man in front of her brought back a feeling of shame to Arianna. Trenton Mayhew was the physical embodiment of failure. The failure of Castermer. Whilst they hadn't been active at the time, there were always watchers. There were watchers and they missed it. They missed Calderon Jarsdel turned Jumik and the carnage he wrought though Overwatch while she and the others were embroiled in the terror of Venus.
Mayhew was one of the lucky few survivors of an attack that should have been prevented. Yet another failure to add to the growing list.
"Permission to come aboard, Mister Mayhew?" Ari forced a smile to form as she spoke, trying to hide the shame and guilt she suddenly felt.
"Granted," said the master warrant with a grunt that his vocalizer failed to filter. "Though orders say you are the one to be granting that permission now, at least until the Captain returns." His expression was far more stone-faced than it had been prior to the attack that had marred and changed him.
Arianna nodded and stepped off the pad. "Yes..." a slight frown etched into her brow. Yes, there was that obstacle to yet cross and she really didn't want to do it. Not yet. Not at all.
Then she cleared her throat, "would you mind giving me a sitrep while we do the system clearances?" She asked, forcing away the rising unease in her gut. She wanted to ask how he was, she wanted to apologize, she wanted to do something...though really she could do none of those things, not how she would have liked to.
"Aye, sir." Mayhew pressed his palm against a scanner which then deactivated the detainment field that had triggered around the transporter pad upon Ari's arrival. "This way." They had met before and she was technically outside of his chain of command, so Mayhew didn't say more than absolutely necessary. He turned a crisp about-face and began walking out of the transporter room, continuing to speak as they went. "Overwatch Station has implemented additional protocols after the intrusion. Automated forcefields now cover every loading bay, transporter pad, and maintenance hatch in order to restrict unauthorized access." Holding up the hand he had scanned in order to release her, Mayhew went on. "Biometric protocols have been enhanced from combadge and voiceprint confirmation to requiring haptic, myocardial, and genetic confirmation as well. Each access point is air-gapped, removing the possibility of remote override. Without the registered combadge, voice, heartbeat, palm scan, and DNA sample from an authorized individual present, the forcefields will not deactivate. Are you with me so far?" The man would have come off as condescending if not for the deadpan Marine monotone.
Castermer had suggested some of those upgrades, obviously not publicly, or officially, but the protocols were circulated through the right, untraceable channels. Arianna just nodded, "clear as day," she said, stealing a side glance at Trent every so often.
"Don't go wandering in your skivvies," Mayhew quipped. There was an edge to his voice that bled through the vocalizer that didn't soften even when he took pause. "I apologize, ma'am. That was not appropriate."
Arianna couldn't help a grin though, "nonsense, I've heard far worse in my time. Besides, now you have me curious." An eyebrow raised in a quiet attempt to get him to tell the story. It was as much to get herself to unclench as it was to get him to do the same.
"For the record, I merely advised you to retain possession of your combadge upon your person at all times," Mayhew said. A duo of domesticated Borg drones veered into their path, but Mayhew shoved the nearest one away with a firm press of his hand. The second drone followed suit.
Frost spared a passing glance at the two drones, shrugging off the uncomfortable feeling of cold as she passed the right one, following Mayhew. "Of course, you were being professional and courteous and informative." She said with a smirk as she fell into step with him again. "How...are you?"
The question stopped Mayhew in his tracks. "Speaking freely, ma'am, I'm fucking peachy." He resumed his pace toward the offices to which they were both acquainted. "You can be assured of that long after we get your new authorization logged into the system and then never speak again except over 21-gun salutes."
The words struck a chord within Arianna, deeper than he knew. "I am so, so sorry, Trenton. We failed, we failed you, we failed everyone. I am so sorry." She said in her head as she watched the emotions splayed on his face with visceral, primal intensity. And she found herself unable to begrudge him it. They had failed everyone. Castermer, the project that took and spared lives, the project that ruined lives, the project that was meant to be the shield...failed and it's been failing for a while. It was time for that to stop.
Finally, after a moment, she swallowed hard and nodded, "Fair call. Well as soon as we're finished I'll make sure to facilitate your wish." She said. While her words may have been cold, her tone was conciliatory, accepting.
"Was a prediction, not a request," Mayhew said. Before he could say more, though, an alert came through from Mayhew's combadge.
"Security to Mayhew. Phantom hailed and is on approach." The doors to the office were within sight, but the communications officer had no way of knowing that.
"Acknowledged." Mayhew slapped his combadge. "I need to return command back to the administrator and commandant. You can wait in the office or come with." Mayhew changed direction and headed toward the docking berth.
Arianna sighed and followed after Mayhew, "may as well get this thing over with too." She said, taking yet another deep breath. The reckoning was at hand, and if this prelude was anything to go by, the night was about to get darker.
The Phantom had docked, Mayhew stood relieved, and all was back to normal... except the station administrator had fainted at the sight of Arianna. Mayhew had rolled his eyes at the scene and promptly excused himself back to his office. There were plenty of tealshirts at hand to ensure the Captain's wellbeing. Naturally, Commandant Garlake went to his quarters with the little woman, so Ari's onboarding remained on Mayhew's plate. Sure, Garlake had suggested Mayhew stand down, but Mayhew knew condescension when he heard it.
"Let's get on with it," Mayhew had said at the docking berth.
With those charming words, the walk back to the security office was brisk and awkward, but none of them said anything else until they'd arrived.
"Trenton Mayhew, Authorization Beta-Mu-Alpha-Lambda-Epsilon, accessing clearance designation protocols for authorization reactivation." Another palm press to the scanner on his desk triggered a chime of recognition. Looking directly at Ari for the first time since the docking berth, Mayhew said, "State your name and then hold your hand on the scanner until I say otherwise."
"I take it all back, give me the pissy Mayhew. Just fucking erase what just happened!" her mind rattled in its cage. How the...? What the...? Whhhhy???? How did things get from bad to worse faster than a bat flying out of hell? When the fuck did he have time to collect her? There was no time to get to Earth and back that quickly, much less for the in between talk. Which only meant she was already in transit or she was already on the station...when it happened. "Fuuuuuuuuuck!" coursed through her head as her feelings went from surprised to confused to angry and all in between as well.
Then the drone of Mayhew's metallic voice brought her back to the reality she had to face and she was thankful for the anchor.
"Arianna Chelsea Frost," she said, placing her hand on the scanner.
A warm sensation trickled up through her palm and spread out to her fingertips. It only took a few seconds in reality, but Mayhew stared at her unblinking, clearly counting each one as it ticked by, until the scan completed. "Remove your hand and recite the authorization code randomly issued to you." The way he said authorization code seemed particularly bitter.
Arianna looked over at him briefly with a fleeting curious look before she started reciting her code, "Rho-Tau-Psi-Omicron." She recited, still grateful for the distraction of wondering what was still up with Mayhew.
The console beeped. "You are now installed into the system as Deputy Station administrator and are free to go."
"So, it's true..." Unannounced and unbidden, Akiva had walked into the security office with a fresh goose-egg growing on the side of his head. His eyes were wide with near panic. "You're here... to stay."
Arianna looked up from the console, "couldn't even get a moment, could I? Thanks Murphy, you fuck!" She thought to herself as she finally turned to face the inevitable.
"Captain, perhaps you ought to sit down," Mayhew suggested, "in your office with the comfy chairs. Sir."
When circumstances were working against you, you changed them and took control of the situation. "It's okay, Mister Mayhew. I promised the Colonel I would let you go when we were done. I know this is your office, but the Colonel wanted you to rest."
"Of course." It was both an acknowledgement and a complaint, but Mayhew left without further word.
Akiva's eyes followed the man until the doors had closed behind him, but quickly swept back to Ari. "He keeps the station going," Akiva said. "Storr says he's indispensable. I guess we can't always choose our--" Akiva stopped short as his words began processing in his ears. "Wait. That came out wrong. Please don't read into that. I'm just..." He sat in the nearest chair and put his head in his hands. "I was prepared to never see you again," he said, "not in person."
A small, bitter smile entered Ari's features, "same." She said, then she took a moment, leaning back against Mayhew's desk, crossing her arms on her chest. "I expected a reassignment, or even getting booted from the Service," she said, stalling for precious moments to collect her thoughts, to stifle down both the joy of seeing him again and the anger at seeing his wife next to him and the shame at the thought of having inadvertently become 'the other woman'. "Last thing I expected was to be benched...here." She said in a quiet tone.
Her eyes finally settled on him, trying her best to remain cool and unphased whilst at the same time desperately wanting to know.
Rubbing his eyes clear of the emotions that were overwhelming him, Akiva finally managed to compose himself. "I suppose I ought to ask the obvious question first. Are you really to be my deputy administrator or is this some kind of Internal Affairs action?"
"I wish I was here as IA, but no. No..." Arianna gave a long sigh, "this is quite literally my punishment for endangering things I can't talk about." She added, pointing upwards where the recorders were located, "Which I know I hadn't, but my Masters think otherwise. No, Captain. I am here as your Deputy Administrator."
Until Castemer called again.
"I don't need this..." Akiva groaned, but quickly self-corrected. "I don't need a deputy administrator, that is." Of course, he didn't need the complications this could bring either but even he knew that would be an insensitive thing to say. He was still haunted by the kiss that never should have been. Though he had told Laena and she had been as understanding as could be expected, when he stood here and now with Arianna--arms folded beneath her breasts, hip cocked to one side that offset the ever-present smirk on her face and teasing quirk of her brow-- "Stop it!" he scolded himself. Blinking, he realized he'd said that aloud. "Maybe I can stop it. Who are your superiors? I'll have a word with them, pull strings, owe some favors, anything to help a..." He forced the word out. "...a friend."
Arianna blinked at the sudden flurry of very cutting words, though a few iterations of this scenario that she had ran over and over on her way here had lead to a talk like this and in a way she expected them. They still cut though. As much as she sometimes would have liked it, she was not made of stone.
"Captain," she said by way of regaining his attention and focus, "you know I can't tell you that. This was cleared by all relevant parties and I am bound by it as much as you are, I'm afraid. We will just have to make the best of a situation neither of us wanted." She said raising a hand to stop him from interrupting, "don't get me wrong I am happy to see my friends again, of course I am. But I also know why you are flapping about like drongo. And I know that's why you are saying all this, which...hurts."
Arianna took a deep breath, arms wrapped around herself again, "was she there?"
The question hung around his neck like a lead weight. "Yes," he said, staring into the floor. "We... have not been on good terms. And then we were. And then..." He shook his head as if the confusing doubts would shake free. "I know what you're thinking," he said. "And I can't deny it. I am a raka, a lecher, a ben-belial doomed for Tzoah Rotachat, just as my father said." When he looked up at Ari, there were tears forming in his eyes. "But I would never dishonor you in that manner. You must believe me."
"I don't understand what half of those words meant, to be honest" she said with bitter laugh. "I don't think any of that. But had I known I would have stopped you...and myself." Arianna forced out, still not moving from her spot.
Apparently the Universal Translator struggled with those words too, Akiva mused to himself. Between that observation and Ari's wry chuckle, he was able to weakly smile. "I will be honest, Ari. You helped me through a very... a very dark time." He dry-swallowed in his throat. "While you were on Venus, I snuck off to Earth in order to surprise Laena. She had insisted on 'pausing' our relationship while she went to the Academy. I hadn't expected three months of no contact whatsoever, so I did what I felt I must. Whatever I expected, what I found when I went to see her was..."
He trailed off again, but then forced himself to continue. "She was enjoying a meal with a former lover. From how she tells it, I had the wrong idea; he is happily married and they were dining together as old friends. Whether or not that was the case, I nevertheless saw the look on her face, a look of happiness that I had not seen for some time, not since coming to Memory Theta." His lips grew pert as suppressed a quiver in his lip. "I got drunk, I got kidnapped, and you rescued me from orbit above Mars."
Looking at her, Akiva finally found the strength to stand up. As he did so, he found further strength by staring directly into her eyes. "You rescued me from more than that. When I returned to this station, I told Laena that I had released her from any obligation to me. She attempted to contact me, but I revoked her secure access. Somehow, and I have my suspicions, she found out that I would be on Deep Space 9 and took leave from the Academy to find me. Surprise me, even, when I had not walked 20 paces onto the promenade. I had the inquest to consider, and my mind had been on nothing else for weeks. Laena's presence was a surprise to me. This I swear."
There had been more after that, of course, but if Ari did not believe him now, then there was no point in any further explanation of more complicated details.
Arianna shook her head in amusement, "Jaya..." she said with a fond smile, "look, Akiva, you don't owe me explanations or anything else. I do appreciate what you said. I'm glad I helped, it's what friends do and I have precious few of those in my life and you know you are one of them. Always."
She opened her mouth, considering for a moment saying more, but stopped herself. This was not about that, this was not about her needs and wants.
Another sigh later, she finally spoke, "I'm not an obstacle you need to worry about. There is plenty going on that will require my attention, not to mention learning how to Administrate and all that shit." Each word was heavier than the next, truths and lies intermixed so heavily it was hard to tell what was what.
"I fucked Laena!" When he said it, the words were far too loud, his hands were clenched into fists, and his eyes were closed fast. "It was the night before the uprising. I went to see her, but only to keep my word from before. I told her she broke my heart and abandoned me. I yelled at her. She then told me everything I had longed to hear, and then... then..."
At that, Akiva broke down in sobs he could no longer hold back. "Once, I called her kallati, my bride, but I released her. When we met that night, she told me all the things I had longed to hear. I was weak. I... I..." His shoulders began wracking, but he forced himself to get the words out. "Torah says I cannot take her back if she has been with another. I should have waited, but I was weak, and I fear that I have done to her what you feared for us." The sobbing stopped, but Akiva was still a wreck. "I will not dishonor you or myself or Laena or HaShem. I will not love again until I find my way through this sea of doubts, HaShem help me. I will not double my folly." Eyes dried but salinized, Akiva stared at her directly. "It is a torment to me that you are here, but it is a torment that I will bear gladly for you are both sun and shade." His eyes darted back and forth between each of hers, searching for answers, for truth, for assurance of some kind that she understood what he was telling her.
Arianna was taken aback by this new onslaught of information. Not out of anger or hurt or surprise. She expected to learn some of this over time, just not all at once at the very beginning of what was looking to be a very long penance.
What did one say to the admission of both transgression and affection and trouble and anguish and guilt and everything in between? Part of her was elated that he seemed to share at least some of the feelings she had for him, the other part was sad for herself because she knew she needed to let it all go in order to help him find his way through the sea of doubts as he called it.
Without quite realizing it, she had stepped closer and reached a hand out, clasping his. "Akiva...I...I don't know what to take away from this." She took a deep breath, her green eyes holding his, "I'm not judging you for what happened. We all make decisions and sometimes they end up being wrong, sometimes they end up being good. Sometimes they bring more questions than answers. This is life. The reason I would have stopped us both was not because it would have changed how I feel, but because I don't want to be the cause of broken unions. I respect you too much to do that to you. I also don't want to be a replacement. I think you know that...from what you said, but I felt it needed saying."
She gave his hand a gentle squeeze, "most of all, I think you need time. Whatever you decide to do, do it for yourself and do right by others. That's all I can say. Know that I hold no grudge or judgement and that I'd rather see you happy and settled than in a confused turmoil such as this. An old friend once said to me, 'a decision is the tool to remove confusion.' Then again they also said that 'the most confused we ever get is when we try to convince our heads of something our hearts know is a lie.' Not sure if any of these apply but it felt like something good to say."
Akiva stared intently as she spoke. There was much she did not understand. About his Hebron heritage, about Torah. But how could she? There was no way to explain that did not require more time and energy than the moment would allow. But she had shown understanding. There had been no fighting, no fleeing, just acceptance. Akiva did not know what to do with that.
Looking at her hand which was squeezing his, he said the only thing he could. "Thank you." His hands enfolded hers and reciprocated the squeeze. "For everything."
How did they always get to these teetering moments where things were about to tip one way or another so damn quickly?
"Time to do the right thing, again." A silent thought.
Arianna gave back the squeeze and winked, "well, I didn't come here to fuck spiders, I've got some major setup and catching up to do, not to mention getting a head start on figuring out what my job even is. Meeting with you and the Colonel in the morning to go over everything?"
Spiders? Akiva felt his brow lurch to the top of his forehead. "Um..." He absently fumbled with his combadge to ensure it was activated. It chirped at him. "All right, so the UT is still working." He released his nervous energy through a chuckle. "We've had no spiders here since the Synchrony outbreak. Together I'm sure that together we will prevent any other containment failures."
Arianna blinked, was he having her on or did he really not get it? She couldn't help a chuckle at the adorkable reaction. "What's a really Hebron saying for 'I'm not here to waste time?'"
"Oh." Akiva's eyes darted left as he thought. "If you wanted to be traditional you could say 'shame not the day'. Many negative statements involve shame. Even death is shame based." He wryly chuckled at the harsh idioms, then when he realized he appeared to be laughing at shame and death he laughed all the harder at the irony. "I don't think shameful deaths are funny, I swear it!"
Arianna grinned, "I believe you." She held up a hand, "so what I was saying that I am here to shame not the day. The spiders are an aussie thing. Weird culture, kept it up when they colonized the likes of Archernar and Driaan, but I love it because it's weird. Somehow yours seems more...proper?"
"I suppose." Akiva shrugged. "I heard it often as a child and proper isn't how I would describe the feeling." There were other feelings that didn't feel proper either... "As you said, though, there is much to do, so I will leave you to it."
Arianna nodded, "I'll see you in the morning, Captain. Welcome back." With that said she turned on her heels and walked out of the office before another something happened.
"Ari..." He paused before leaving. "It's still Akiva."
"I know!" A reply over her shoulder that carried a signature smirk as the doors closed behind her.
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