On Fate And Shadows
Posted on Thu Apr 2nd, 2020 @ 8:46pm by Commander Arianna Frost & Lieutenant JG Jaya Maera Garlake
4,182 words; about a 21 minute read
Mission:
Mission 0: Everybody Has A Story
Location: Overwatch Station
It was another lazy midday for Jaya. There were no crew concerns on her docket. No artifacts registered with psionic side effects for her to study. Not even interpersonal drama to monitor since Laena had left for the Academy. And, what with Storr busy with teleconferencing with one general or another, she found herself with absolutely nothing to do for some hours.
That was her rationale for sitting at the bar while a holographic bartender fed her Seyalian tea one shot glass at a time. Little did she expect to see the commotion that befell the corridor outside the lounge that day.
When Jaya arrived at Memory Theta, there had been four Borg drone butlers, as Ferrofax had called them, who performed arbitrary menial tasks. However, even though she was no expert on xB's, she distinctly recognized at least twice that number. However Ferrofax had acquired more, they were now surrounding Arianna Frost in a tight circle. Not moving. Not speaking. Just staring at her with their deadpan faces -- and not even all of them had faces, vegetative automatons as they were.
"Well this is not awkward at all." Ari muttered to herself, as she glanced around at the empty faces. "So, what do I do with you guys? I don't need all of you to serve on me." She touched her index finger to her lips. "Do you need instructions? Directions?"
While she wasn't necessarily scared, she definitely was uncomfortable being surrounded by former agents of one of the most feared enemies of the Federation and the Alpha Quadrant.
"Shoo!" Jaya came running to Ari's aid. "Go on, now. Get back to your power alcoves or wherever it is you hide."
At first they made no move, still as statues, but eventually one of them shifted its weight backward. Evidently that created a cascade effect, and like sheep in a flock the drones wandered off in single file to the beat of unknown protocols.
"Yeah, they don't really follow orders," Jaya said with a sympathetic grin. It quickly turned sour. "In fact, I don't even know why they're allowed to roam free. Seems a bit unethical to me, but..." She let out a sigh. "That seems to be the rule of the place. Morally gray. But you'd think someone would've drawn the line at zombies." A soft shudder dispelled her ill feelings. "Are you off to anywhere important?"
Arianna let out a breath she didn't remember taking. "Uh, no. For a change. Thanks for that, by the way." She waved in the general direction of the xB's that had wandered off. "I was going to grab some coffee...seem to be in perpetually tired mode. Or stressed...or both. Not sure."
"No coffee for you, then," Jaya said with a matronly shake of her head. "Perhaps a nice tea... or even a stout scotch, as my husband would prefer. Caffeine only perpetuates the cycle of fatigue. What you need, madam, is a break." She nodded her head to one side and grinned. "Come on. I've got the holo-bartender on lock."
Arianna shrugged, "fair call. Lead the way, Doc." She said as she followed after Jaya.
How the hell did that woman stay so cheerful and sane in this place?
"Barkeep!" Jaya called out cheerfully, more than overjoyed to have some living, breathing company. "Another Seyalian tea for me and a..." She gave Ari a quizzical expression. "Well, what will it be? No coffee!" Looking at the hologram, she repeated, "No coffee."
Arianna sighed, "fine, no coffee. I'll have Smirnoff, if you have it?" She looked resignedly at the barkeep. When coffee was off the table, Frost tapped into her russian side. Vodka solved all problems, no?
The replicator beneath the bar hummed the two beverages into materialization, both in shot glass form.
"Cheers!" Jaya said, raising her glass to Ari.
Ari clinked her glass against Jaya's and downed her shot in one go. "Ough...." she grimaced, then morphed the expression into a grin. "That is good vodka. Though Stoli is better. But that's for hard drinking."
"It may be a little early for that," Jaya teased. "I probably shouldn't encourage heavy drinking in the first place, but I'm a pragmatist. People will do what they're going to do." She downed her tea as well. "Barkeep! Another!"
Two more shots were presented to them. "And down!" Jaya was far more exuberant than one would expect somebody to be who was not drinking alcohol.
Down it went, smoothly. So smoothly. "See, if I didn't know better, I would say you were plying me up for something, Mrs. Garlake."
She probably was, Ari conceded to herself. Frost had done it so many times herself.
"You got me," Jaya said winsomely. Turning to the hologram, she said, "Barkeep! Two banana splits!" They took a bit longer for the hidden replicator to generate, so Jaya turned away and grinned over her shoulder. "I love these but I hate eating them alone."
Ari blinked at the random choice. "Hokay, mind you, if I get sick from the dairy curdling in my stomach, you're taking me to Sickbay."
Then after a moment, curiosity gave in, "so why banana splits of all things?"
"We ha na bananas on Sey ah eevah," Jaya said through a mouthful. She blushed and swallowed her bite. "We don't have bananas on Seyalia. I had this on Earth and I just fell in love."
Arianna chuckled as she took a bite herself. "I see. You seem to have a very varied palate, which is commendable." She took a bite herself, "mmmhhh." Further thought was lost in the sweet assault.
"See?" Jaya said between bites. "This is paradise in my mouth."
"If if...devinily." Arianna replied in kind, grinning. Then she finally swallowed the thick bite. "I dare say better than sex. Well....caramel is a strong contender too."
At first Jaya giggled wickedly at the sexual metaphor, but perked up at the mention of caramel. "Oh, yes! Caramels! Now! Please..." The please was coy and demure by contrast with her outburst, not that the hologram cared.
A big bowl of caramel chunks was set before them.
"You are a wicked sheila," Arianna chuckled, "I love it."
Perhaps that was her unintended role here, Jaya's. To be that positive vibe that people needed to get by in this weird place. So she took a caramel chunk and dunked it into the whipped cream atop another piece she'd spooned off.
Jaya felt her eyes bulge out. "What? Let me try!" She dunked a caramel bite in the cream from her banana split. The taste made her eyes roll back. "Oh yeah..." she said with a slight moan. "That's the stuff."
"It makes everything better, doesn't it?" Frost smirked at the look of utter bliss on the Deltan.
"I need to eat dessert with you more often," Jaya said. "What other bright ideas have you secreted away in that beautiful mind of yours?"
Ari took another morsel, "I don't know. You'll have to be a bit more specific with your questions. Comes with the territory of being used to be the one asking questions. I have forgotten how to do vague. And thank you for the compliment."
"I meant in terms of sugary goodness," Jaya said, "but if there's something you want to get off your chest, it's confidential between us."
She looked at Jaya for a moment, trying to gauge whether to share her weird encounter, or how much it rattled her. She was too used to dealing with things alone. Part of the job requirement, she'd convinced herself. Or she had just made herself so, through the years. It was hard to tell nowadays.
"I met Qurban...." she began finally.
"Oh."
The delight drained from Jaya's face, though she did well to stifle her discomfort. "I met him once, too. It... I still dream about that conversation."
"Did he...reveal something you don't like to discuss and then forget about it too?" Ari asked, trying not to trigger Jaya, remembering how she herself had reacted.
Jaya gave a slow, solemn nod. "He told me that the worst moment of my life has played our an infinite number of times, and in other timelines my worst fear came true. He called me the One Who Lived. Evidently that didn't happen much from his... recollection." She couldn't hold back the shiver. "The Q were all grateful that I resisted the madman Saalkan's grasp at immortality, Qurban said, but when I asked why they didn't intervene if Saalkan mad scheme actually worked in other timelines, he became evasive." Her eyes began to glaze as she recalled the interaction. "Something about how Saalkan doomed himself even in his successes, how he was unable to break into other timelines, and then... Qurban said there was something or someone even worse who held the Q's attention. Whatever it was, the mere thought of it seemed to cause some sort of dissociative state and repression." She took a breath and quietly asked, "Do you have any idea what could traumatize a Q? I don't."
Arianna shook her head, "no. It seemed to me, when he decided to reveal my own state secrets to me, that...he seemed to revert after being asked a question about himself. Then he built up to a revelation again. It almost seemed like a block that was put in place, maybe rather than trauma? I don't know..."
"I don't know either," Jaya said, shaking her head. "If the block was intentionally placed, it would not have been gentle. You know as I do how effective trauma-based conditioning can be. Whatever it was...it scarred him. Gutted him, even. I shudder to think of what would lead the other Q...or other things just as powerful...to do that. Or what it would entail." And shudder she did.
Ari took another spoonful topped with caramel. "I felt very unravelled yet very sorry for him by the end. A weird mix of emotions, to be sure. One I didn't think I'd ever feel."
"Precisely," Jaya said, polishing off her bowl with a shameless camel lick. "I wouldn't even know where to begin counseling a being like that."
"Fuck it, I'll deal with feeling sick. Another Smirnoff over here please?" She called to the barkeep. "And apparently, in some reality or future, I have a husband. You know just to top the revelation dropping off."
Jaya threw her head back and cackled. "Well, congratulations," she said with a wink. "If you'd told me three years ago that I'd be married, I would've laughed just like that. Deltans swear an Oath of Celibacy to serve in Starfleet, as you know. The Universe has a funny way of bringing things or people together."
"Oh don't get me wrong, it's not a complaint," Arianna laughed along, "it was just, all a little bit much at the same time. As I'm sure you've witnessed yourself. I'm still trying to process the implications of the first bit."
"Have you never seen yourself settling down with someone?" Jaya asked. "That's unusual for humans. Is mating for life not a psychological imperative in your culture?"
"I certainly wouldn't mind it." Ari took the glass of Smirnoff and downed it, grimacing before she set it aside, indicating for another. "But I am an intelligence officer on assignment in the IA, on assignment to Memory Theta. My prospects aren't very big just on the first caveat. I can't talk about a lot of things, I can't share a lot of things and I have a job that requires me at times to do things a regular potential partner would likely very much bristle against. Let's not even get into the whole attachment thing. Or understanding."
Jaya listened thoughtfully. "So what you're saying is you aren't happy. Can I ask a personal question?"
"It's more experience, rather than unhappiness." Ari offered. "Please."
"Have you considered that your assignment isn't the real obstacle?" Jaya softened her face to keep from forcing the question. "What if the real obstacle is a feeling of inadequacy, that you feel as though you have little to offer personally, and your duty to Starfleet is your externalization of it? If that is so, then you could resign your commission and still fear loneliness. Yet also, if it is so, then your duty is not the barrier you think it to be."
Arianna shook her head, "or I like my job and what I do, and have simply had little luck with people willing to stick it out with me. I'm not lonely or unhappy, Jaya. Just aware of my rather limited option pool." She chuckled, "and having gotten shut down or dumped a few too many times not have caught on. I don't blame them though. Not everyone can deal with the deal that comes with me. Oh and the whole having to register the relationship and have my partner vetoed. Did I mention that?" Frost offered her a sincere smile, "thank you, though."
"They're not mutually exclusive theories," Jaya said, "but you're welcome." Seeing how much Ari had been enjoying her vodka, Jaya ordered one of her own. "Gah! It burns!"
"It burns away the bad stuff and takes your mind away from anything but the pain," Ari chuckle-shrugged. "What about you and Colonel Garlake? How did that happen?"
Jaya giggled at the mere thought. "I was experimenting with empathic treatments and felt as though I put myself at risk of violating my Oath. Storr was a strong, powerful man that I thought could withstand sex with a Deltan." She clicked her tongue. "I offered him a sham marriage that would tide me over until we came back from the Gamma Quadrant, at which time I would have resigned my commission and go home. But he wanted to make an honest woman out of me. Real marriage or no marriage, he said, and he went to war with the Deltan Foreign Ministry over me." The boast brought a blush to her cheeks. "And we won. Now we're married for life, which is taboo among my people."
Arianna nodded, popping another piece of caramel into her mouth. Banana split was great, but caramel was caramel. "I can see that happening. He struck me as very much the 'my way or the high way man. No, actually, just my way, man. Then again, my only interactions with him were the initial meeting, and the interview."
"Yes, it is very helpful letting him think that is so," Jaya said with a giggle. "Of course, it helps at times when we both want the same thing."
"That's always a good thing, yes." Ari chuckled and signalled for another set of shots. "So, how can I help in making sure Theta doesn't end up being a mass of very angry people?"
Jaya thought for a moment. "Honestly? Speed up the turnover. The only one who really seems to like it here is Mrazak."
Arianna raised an eyebrow at the suggestion, "yeah but constant turnover leads to extended time to solidify foundations. Teams aren't built in a day."
"True, but the hazards are real and the strain is high," Jaya said. "Not all wounds are physical. Rotation is necessary, otherwise people end up like... well, Mrazak."
"Oh I agree," Ari popped another morsel into her mouth, "I'm more saying maybe..." then, she stopped, looking at Jaya. "Whose turnover?" She said under breath.
Jaya turned coy and shrugged. "I don't know. Whoever should want it."
This time, Ari sipped her vodka slowly, one sip at a time, her eyes focused on the bald woman. "I see." Then she changed tact, "do you like working at Theta? Or would you prefer a different venue for yourself and the Colonel?"
"I did, at first," Jaya said. "It was a grand adventure and change of pace from starship duty. Safer, more time together, yet still the occasional mission. But then knowing how things operate around here does something to the prestige of the uniform." She paused for a moment. "It's funny. We'd crossed paths with Memory Theta before and never knew it. Maybe that's why Storr was chosen for his role. I don't know what it would take to pry him away from his duty now."
"Yeah, we secretive types have a way of recruiting potential after accidental or not so accidental encounters." Ari chuckled.
The glib comment elicited a mock scowl from Jaya. "Uh-huh. So I've seen." She let out a sigh and a wry chuckle of her own. "And now it feels like we're married to Memory Theta just as much to each other." Her emphasis on the word 'married' indicated a lingering unfamiliarity with the concept. "Tell me, Ari... how many people get out of the invisible side of Starfleet?"
Frost took a moment to formulate her answer. It almost seemed as if she was even physically chewing on it for a moment too. With a smack of her lips, she opened her mouth finally, "I don't think anyone really leaves. Whether an exit is by design or desire, or lack there of. I think for some, there is an eternal pull to this life. For others it's a matter of choice or sense of duty. Those of us who do retire are, without fail, called back to serve in some form or another. Whether an assignment, an info dump or liaising. When one stops being an agent, they become an asset, which is essentially a different grade of the same thing."
"That's what I was afraid of..." Jaya said, giving her lower lip a bite. She thought for a moment, then asked, "Do you believe in fate?"
Frost shrugged, "I don't know if you would call it fate. I believe in things happening for a reason, but I wouldn't specifically say it's a cosmic intervention, or a set of circumstances falling in place. It could be one, or the other, or both. Also neither." Another sip of vodka, "and you?"
"Maybe," Jaya said with a shrug of her own. "Storr has a strong spiritual side to him that I never would have imagined. His faith has a component of fate to it, though I don't know if he would like me calling it that. I do believe the Universe has a way of working itself out, and that when push comes to shove, it is we who must bend because the Universe will not. So, I guess in once sense, I believe in destiny. Storr and I were meant to be, against all odds. But destiny is also what we make it. So how can I make all of this... secrecy, gray morals, situational ethics... into a better destiny?" She laughed at her own question. "I'm sorry. You're the one who should be asking me such questions."
"It's refreshing to be on the other side for a change," Ari gave her a genuine, warm smile, "people usually fear my station too much to bother. But, to answer your question," the blonde sighed, "the greater good. No utopia exists without shadows. There are the shadows that protect it and the shadows that seek to undermine it. Being the protective shadow, so that the innocent may sleep safe...perhaps?"
"Is it really utopia in such a case?" Jaya asked. "Sounds like an illusion to me." Her thoughts returned to her tropical homeworld that had never known war and its richly terraformed moon where she had been born and raised. "Sure, strife and conflict will exist wherever there is sentience to entertain them, but it seems to be that light is more effect at fighting shadows than other shadows. That road seems to lead to just... more shadows."
"From a certain point of view." Ari conceded. "You can always call us light shadows, if you like. The utopia is not for us. It's for them." She vaguely pointed towards the outside of the station.
Jaya effected a soft pout. "But maybe I wanted utopia..."
"What is your utopia then?" Ari leaned back in her chair, and slightly against the counter.
"Good question," Jaya said. "I thought it was Seyann, the moon where I grew up. Then I realized I have no place there now, not with my marriage to Storr." Her lips curled in a lusty grin. "The poor guy wouldn't last a week." She gave Ari a wink and then turned more wistful. "Earth isn't a bad place, especially where Storr's family has lived for generations. I could see us growing old there together in his family estate." And then she let out another sigh. "I suppose I don't know, really. Hopefully I will know it when I see it. What about you?"
"I don't honestly know." Frost had to admit, "it's been so long since I've been somewhere long enough to develop any kind of feeling towards it. I like Earth, especially the areas my parents originated from, I like Achernar, but I wouldn't call either my utopia."
Jaya laughed at their indecisiveness. "Nothing so fickle as the heart, is there? The plants are always greener on the far side of the field, but you still have to trim them."
Ari blew a raspberry at her, "pfft. I don't do plants. They die on me. No green finger to save my life." She chuckled. "I guess my job has affected how I think outside of it. I'll know it when I find it, I think. I hope."
Empathic awareness wasn't necessary to feel the bond that was forming between them. "Sounds like we have something in common," Jaya said with delight.
Arianna nodded, "I'd say so." She finished her shot of vodka. "Thank you for this, Jaya. I do appreciate a friendly face."
"Definite!" Jaya exclaimed. "And maybe without the domesticated xB butlers next time." She realized the forwardness of her statement. "There will be a next time?"
Ari nodded, running her tongue over her teeth behind her closed lips. "Of course. I need to have someone not hate me around this place." She said with a small smirk.
"Aww! Who would hate you?" Jaya asked, her eyes sparkling with genuine amusement and concern. "Besides the misanthropes, of course."
"I'm IA, I'm hated by default." Ari chuckled.
"They say the same about shrinks," Jaya said, "but I never believe it. Life is what you make it. Most people won't truly hate you without giving them a reason. But the same is true of being loved. Give others a reason to love -- kindness, consideration, a favor or even sacrifice -- and they probably will."
"You never know, maybe your romanticism will rub off on me, Jaya." Ari smirked, popping another caramel morsel into her mouth.
Jaya beamed at the very thought. "I should be so lucky! So many people are dedicated to the path of misanthropy. It just seems so exhausting."
The expression on Ari's face fell just a little. "Do I come off as a misanthrope?"
"What an odd question," Jaya teased. "Do you have faith in people?"
"Well you're the one that mentioned it." Ari countered, "I don't know if I do, though. I hope they would do the right thing, people, but I guess I've been disappointed often enough to learn not to expect much. You definitely seem to have more than I."
Jaya mulled that over. "I think of it as hope. The funny thing about this universe is that you typically find what you're looking for."
"So I'm looking for people who disappoint me, huh." Ari mulled it over with an amused expression.
"The best part about counseling," Jaya said with a sly grin, "is that I never have to come up with any answers. I just get people talking long enough to uncover their own."
Arianna laughed softly, "aw mate, you should hear the monologues I have with myself."
"I think we're halfway to one now," Jaya giggled back.
"I can see why the Colonel likes you, aside from being Deltan." Ari smirked.
Jaya couldn't help but smile at the compliment. Her face dipped downward a little as the flattery overtook her. "Oh? And why is that?"
"You have an amazing, uplifting spirit, but without being annoyingly silly. And you seem like a well read person, so plenty of talking points. Mind you, there is probably more, but this is just the first soiree." Ari gave Jaya a small sat bow of respect.
"Aww..." Jaya swelled at the compliments. "You're pretty winsome yourself. I hope you give yourself a chance at happiness. You deserve it."
Ari chuckled, "think you can handle another shot before we're too buzzed to work?" She signalled the holo-tender over. She had heard Jaya, and deep down she acknowledged wanting the feeling. Deep down. Meanwhile deflection, deflection, deflection.
"I don't see why not!" Jaya cheered. "One more won't hurt anything."
Ari chuckled, "well in that case. Na zdorovie!" She raised her shot glass to Jaya.
"Cheers!"
The glasses knocked together with a clang.
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